Saturday, August 08, 2009

wise questions...

yesterday miguel and i went to sam's to do some shopping and the actual setting is so clear to me.... i was getting milk and out of the blue miguel asks if we can go and meet his birthmother. somehow i had not expected this conversation to happen in such bane circumstances.. you always imagine you'll be having a very serious conversation about adoption and then we discuss that he has always wanted to meet his birthfamily... not my kid :) he's so smart and special and direct. and I said that we would someday and then he asks me if she is dead, i said i didn't think so because she was young and he then asks young people don't die? double whammy, what a kid such deep questions.

I can't explain how often i think of his birthmother and his family in Guatemala and wonder if she thinks of him and misses him and wishes she could meet him. I've sent a letter to the baby's home where he was until we went to get him. i said how smart and beautiful he is and how loved he is and that he is safe and sound and will always have what he needs and then some.

not until last year did we find out that he has at least one sister that lives in the US and is beautiful and has a wonderful family, but i would be lying if i said that i was slightly dissapointed to hear she had placed another child for adoption. i held on to this dream and that placing him for adoption had been a once in a lifetime thing that she struggled with this decision and had to make it out of sheer necessity and would never ever do it again. That he was so special to her and that the decision really marked her. anyhow that is my spoiled "i've always had what i wanted and needed" thought. who am i to judge, blame or question the decisions of someone who lives the way she has to.

well i certainly did not think i was going to write this much this morning. i have plenty to do and little time to do it.

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